These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize