even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
