I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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