just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
