Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize