im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize