i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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