The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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