So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
