Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
