Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I will be naked everywhere
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
