you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
