I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
