one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
