We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
