just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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