I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
