Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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