Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
