We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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