it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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