i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
