I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
