Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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