She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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