After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
