im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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