he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
