my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
