let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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