i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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