Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
