I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
