I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
