Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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