Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
