What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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