you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
