Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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