Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
