I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
