are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
