i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
