wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
