I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
