garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
