The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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