Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
