We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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