Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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