So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
even my farts smell like vagina
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
