What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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