Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
