if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize