I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
