Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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