This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
