i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
