I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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