True but thats because hes a fetus.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
