Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
