She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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