So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
