you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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