My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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