So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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