So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
