just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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