I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
